Two score and seven years ago, my father brought forth, on this country’s far flung island state, the handsome man who is now your President. I was conceived out of wedlock and soon abandoned by my father, dedicated as he was to the proposition that his happiness superseded that of his family’s.
Now I am engaged in a four-to-eight-year speaking tour, testing whether this nation, or any other nation so conceived, can long endure the constant repetition of my inspirational and multicultural biography.
We are met on a great ideological battlefield, the final resting place for those hapless conservatives crushed by the Big Government Steamroller that I have won the right to drive.
It is altogether fitting and proper that I continue to whine and blame my predecessor for his failures of leadership, without yet exhibiting any sign of becoming a great national leader myself.
But, in a larger sense, as a wise African-American (but totally post-racial) male, I cannot consecrate our national struggle for unity and prosperity by championing our virtues and achievements, or by vigorously and instinctively defending America against her jealous detractors, at home or abroad.
The world will little note that my every speech rarely advances any new ideas, but merely describes (eloquently though not always accurately) two opposing viewpoints or historical positions, as though I am sort of “Great Interpreter”, clarifying the issue at hand for a confused and illiterate citizen-jury.
It is for the living journalists among you to continue the unfinished work of allowing no criticism or advancement of better ideas from the political opposition to take hold in the court of public opinion, and I humbly thank you for your noble service in this cause to date.
We must dedicate ourselves to the great task remaining before us, namely to avoid making any difficult or unpopular decisions which might tarnish my future post-presidential memoir (to be ghostwritten by a guy in my neighborhood), or God forbid, return the opposition party to power.
From the ranks of the honored dead---Susan Sontag, Saul Alinsky, Edward Said, George Tiller and others---we take increased devotion to the cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion, that they shall not have died in vain.
We here highly resolve that this oppressive, racist, capitalist nation, under an unfair and antiquated God, shall have a new, un-aborted(!) birth, into the family of the One World EU/UN politburo, in which our democratic republic--the government of the people, by the people, for the people--shall be irrevocably changed to make everyone’s income and accomplishments equal. Thus individual liberty and innovation shall perish from the earth.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
